I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
