um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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