I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
