you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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