Kiss
Puke
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
