Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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