Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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