Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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