right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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