we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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