I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
