Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
