If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
