I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
