I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
