Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
