Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
