I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
