You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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