turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize
