dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
