Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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