She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it's like iHOP with fire
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
