I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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