Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
