just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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