So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
