umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
