where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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