some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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