Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
