they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
