im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
