just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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