i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
