checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
