I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
