my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
