She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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