shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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