the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
