I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
