trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When did angry sex become our thing?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
