the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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