I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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