i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Welp...herpes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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