brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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