Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
