I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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