You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize