So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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