I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize