do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
