If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
