You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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