new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
