Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
