Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
