I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
