yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
