We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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