This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
