I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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