honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
