the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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