Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
