Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
