I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize