Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
