your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
