The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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