New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
