i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So much Jack, so little girl.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize