honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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