do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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