He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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