my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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