Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
