Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
