I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Of course I have a pirate flag
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
