wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
