as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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