i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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