singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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