I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
