we have pet lesbian snakes
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
