her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize