he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize