I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
