Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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