Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
