I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
