Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
