Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I can tuck mytits in my pants
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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