Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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